Let's Talk

This post has been festering in my heart for many, many years now. And I am finally putting my heart on paper to show to the world that my fears are likely felt by many others, and they need to feel comfort. And young children, especially girls, will face these challenges.

I'm tired of women. I'm tired of men. I'm tired of Republicans. I'm tired of Liberals. It's all becoming too extreme! The politics of the issues are becoming more important than the issues themselves. I spent a lot of time Atheist, independent, and frankly, ignorant of most political issues. I didn't claim one side or the other. I never had much to say. I was confused, like most teenage girls are.

Have you noticed that rape and sexual harassment have become a lot about empowering women (or the "victim")? I can't help but feel like society is missing out on one very important aspect of the issue: how are children being raised? I often feel physically ill when I hear the media talking about such-and-such case of abuse or rape and how men (definitely not always the case, but for this particular post I will use men) are always responsible. Before I go any further and you start to judge those words, let me say that rape and abuse is NEVER the "victim's" fault. That being said, I can't help but think there is some lack of education for young children. I found out about most of the sexual things from a friend right before 7th grade and I was way behind and out of the loop. I'm in no way blaming my parents, but I think it's becoming obvious that, whether we like it or not, these issues.need to be addressed from a very early age. At home and at school. Resources need to be available at that young age. It's (more than) slightly sickening to think 8-year-olds need to have sex education but it's true. This brings me to my next point: sex is far too accepted in society. Try to find a popular tv show these days that doesn't have people having sex, almost always before marriage, and often in high school.

When you are in high school you feel mature. Some people are already having sexual relations in middle school and by senior year you are an outcast if you haven't done "it." If you feel like you need to say "it" instead of sex, you probably aren't ready to take a giant step in life. Why has virginity become such a faux-pas to young teens? I have my personal beliefs, but I'm not so obtuse to think every person will value the thought of waiting until marriage to have sex. However, that doesn't mean because you feel like you are in love after three months you need to jump into bed with the guy. Unfortunately, any teens are under a tremendous amount of pressure and watching any tv show or movie these days relays the idea that sex is a nonchalant act that is fun! Now, I'm trying to put myself in the mindset of my sixteen-year-old self, and I probably would have thought, well if I'm in a committed relationship then why not? Why not!? What kind of response is that? Teenagers can hear in health class (the one trimester it is required) that you could get an STD or get pregnant, but that doesn't really happen... Well, yes it does. So how do we get that message through those thick skulls?

1. Stop making sex such a common thing to see in reality tv. It doesn't have to be. Yes, there are always kids having sex in high school.but that doesn't mean everyone is and so everyone should.
2. Teach your sons and daughters the consequences from an early age. By the time a kid goes to high school very little new knowledge will get in that brain, and even less will stick. You don't need to get gruesome about it, but teach them that things happen, whether we mean for them to or not, so be safe and think ahead.
3. Talk with kids... A lot! Ask kids questions from early on and help them feel comfortable around you. Maybe, just maybe, then they will be able to come to you for something really important throughout those highly awkward years. So often it seems that sexual issues are so weird to talk about but they don't have to be. Talk, talk, talk.
4. Teach your kid to value his or herself. Regardless of your personal sexual beliefs, kids should value their bodies and be proud of who they are. This doesn't mean you need to compliment every little thing about them, or to oppress them from being free and independent, but just teach the privilege it is to have a body and brain!
5. Equally as important as number four, value other people and their bodies. The age old rule, treat others how you care to be treated. No one is perfect; we don't always get along with everyone; some people believe very different things; but everyone comes from a unique situation and we should respect them.
6. Determine your kid's way of communicating and learn to live, love, and talk with him or her in that way.

Now, I was fortunate enough to grow up in a nice town with good schools and great friends, and I know all people aren't so lucky. However, that doesn't change the face that the ignorance level at my school was worse than any other. I was naive. Love sounds so much like a fairy tale and a girl will do almost anything for a guy she loves. Unfortunately the mindset of many guys is not so... Romantic. This is where I think it is so important for girls to know they can and should stand up for themselves. Guys need to learn restraint, although I understand raging hormones don't make that an easy task. Finally, the resources need to be readily available to students. I know kids don't like going in to talk with a counselor, however, with awesome new technology, what about anonymous texts, emails, or calls for questions or problems? My biggest issue in high school was not finding a teacher or counselor at school I could trust or who I felt like wanted or could help. My school and town was truly awesome, but with that said, maintaining that awesome status felt more important than confronting issues. My brother is a teacher and I know he makes himself available to kids who need to talk, so I know there are good teachers out there, but make sure your kids/ students know it is safe for you to come talk with them.

A school, personal,or societal image is never more important than your self value or problems.

I am a woman. I am proud of that. I don't have a problem with women who choose to walk around naked because it is how they feel comfortable. But we need to stop turning everything into an empowering women situation, and rather turn things into a respect yourself and those around you situation. I am a feminist in that I believe in equality for men and women, but I also think that being a feminist means taking ownership for myself and my actions. In absolutely no situation is it okay for one person to harass or abuse another person, regardless of what they are wearing, but be a smart person and respect yourself. Set your standards higher for you and for others. Women- raise your standards of yourself. Your body is something to be dang proud of. However, that does not mean you have to flaunt every bodacious curve and fleshy skin off to the entire world. Now I'm not saying you have to start wearing long-sleeved turtle necks and footy-pants. I'll even venture to say, show off what you are proud of. You can wear something sexy without your underwear showing. What's happening, in my opinion, is that physical, shallow imperfections are so heavily judged (mostly by women in my experience, including ourselves) that we feel we need to show it all off. Don't dress to get attention, then throw a fit when people give it to you. Don't get blackout drunk at a party- it is not safe! Don't wear a bra and undies with your pumps and get drunk just for the attention. You are not asking for good attention... Even if nothing happens! Once again, not the fault of a victim, ever. Unless you feel like your best self in that outfit, do it in a safe place with people you trust and not with strangers, the fact if the matter is, it is not your fault, but sexual abusers do not care about that. They don't think, aww poor girl. Unfortunately, they see prey. It's sick, twisted, and the entire attitude needs to change, but those people are out there- more commonly than you think- and they will take advantage of any situation.
Men- raise your standards of yourselves and of the women you meet. I know what it is you want but be patient. Be a respectable guy.

People are ashamed of having or looking at physical scars of cutting, but people are more ashamed of the scars to their hearts and souls. In high school, not many stop to think that maybe someone is creating physical scars to try to yell to the world that their emotional scars are far, far worse.

Look out for yourself and for those around you. Love yourself enough to respect yourself, and of you are having trouble doing that then find someone to talk with. You are of worth, no matter how low you feel. There is so much to life to enjoy. You deserve to partake in that joy.

Change society. Raise smart kids. If you don't have kids, odds are you, at least in some way, have an impact on kids around you. Create a society that allows kids to communicate and feel comfortable. Stop the pressures. Stop a society so engulfed in sex that no one seems to be realizing the tremendous impact it is having on the youth. Women have come so far and that is something to be proud of, but don't stop now. It's all about helping men and women to love and respect each other!